Pop music will turn me into a murderer yet

I swear to all the deities above, if I have to hear that goddamn Katy Perry "California Gurls" song one more time, I will seriously loose my shit. Her voice makes me want to claw the ears from my head. Actually, pretty much everything that's on the pop stations right now is slowly turning me into Jack the Ripper. Why, you ask, do I even know what's on the popular radio these days? Well, when you work for a corporate food joint, there are certain things you have to deal with - terrible music being one of many.

There are so many things to hate about this song - first, that its already been done better by the Beach Boys. It must be said that not everyone in California walks around in Daisy Dukes and bikini tops, but that should be obvious. The phrase "West Coast represent" makes me die a little inside every time I hear it. I haven't counted, but I'm pretty sure there are only 15 words in the entire song. Inserting "Oh-0h-oh-OH" every few seconds doesn't count as being lyrical, children. And finally, I realize putting dong references into one's music is more prevalent than it should be, but "We'll melt your Popsicle"? That is just confusing. I'm pretty sure there aren't too many dudes out there who would like to have their popsicles melted. Tweaked, rubbed, tugged, and stroked perhaps - melted, not so much. As far as not-so-covert wiener jokes go, I have to hand the prize to Lady Gaga. "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" is so ill-advised its just hilarious.