spray more, get fucked you asshole

There is this incredibly annoying commercial on television made by the asinine people of the Axe body spray company. I'm not saying that the rest of their commercials aren't annoying, but this one particularly so for some reason.

Firstly, I hate it because it made me do something I swore years ago I would never do. It came on the television at the Saloon and I said to a coworker, "You know, I really hate that commercial. I've been meaning to blog about it." That's right, I used the word *blog* in actual conversation. Dear. God. I am a giant nerd, and I know this, but seriously. Using *blog* in serious conversation? That shit's only for hipsters, and there's nothing more irritating than hipsters. Excuse me while I hide my shame.

Moving on. That was just the small, petty reason for my hatred. On to the bigger stuff. When Axe first started out its "how dirty boys get clean" campaign, I thought it was awesome. Perfume ads already were basically saying that by wearing their scent, you would get laid faster and more often. By beautiful people who wear stylish clothes and gaze deeply into your eyes like you are their universe and such nonsense. The pictures, the music, the soulful glances - all it boiled down to was buying this cologne = MORE BOOTY. Axe just took that to the next logical level by making it so obvious it was pretty much a parody of itself. Hilarious.

Although I'm sure there were some people out there who actually believed them and are now wondering why they're not swimming in hot ass. The people who believe that spraying on more scent will attract smoking hot members of their preffered sex. Its these people that motivate me to write this.

The particular commercial I'm talking about is this one: Thousands of hot women, divided into different groups. Each group is wearing a different colored bikini. All of them are mobbing towards a specific spot on the beach with animal lust on their faces. At this spot stands a man, holding a bottle of Axe body spray away from his body and spraying it for all he's worth. As the women converge, a slogan appears. "Spray more. Get more."

That's the problem. I'll lay it down right here - you don't get more booty by showering in scent. All you people out there who think that the only way to do it is so the person going into the restroom five minutes after you can still smell you, take note. If you can smell it on yourself, its too damn much. I hate standing behind one of those leggings-wearing girly girls and being choked by a mixture of Aquanet and whatever the hell perfume they're wearing. Hate it to the core of my soul. And this stupid commercial is only encouraging people to wear more scent. GOD. Has anyone heard of natural scent? You know if you shower, you're going to smell good because you'll smell like yourself. And people five feet behind you won't choke on your "Lilac Morning Musk" ASS SMELL.

Let it be said, though, that I don't hate the idea of cologne. But I like it to be subtle, only noticable when you get a little closer to a person. That way I'm choosing to smell them instead of being bashed in the face with the latest from Brittany Spears or Celine Dion. I mean really - show a little common sense, people.